Birthdays - The Most Important Satanic Holiday

Today’s my birthday and it’s been around a year since I first read The Satanic Bible.  I have some personal history with birthdays.

As I’ve mentioned in my very first blog entry, my mom tried raising me as a Jehovah’s Witness (with no success, obviously; the complete opposite.  Not her fault, though.  Kind of).  I remember all those sermons I heard over the years that discussed birthdays and why the Witnesses were vehemently against them.  During the first couple of years in the Kingdom Hall, it didn’t make sense to me; I just thought this religion was run by prudes and that God was some boring asshole who didn’t want people to have fun.  I remember being invited to birthdays by friends and classmates and I’d have to decline because (my mom’s) religion forbade birthdays.  I was denied the chance to live like a normal person.

If you want to hear something sad, I didn't have my first official birthday celebration until I was 21.  A coworker had to sneak me away for the day for this.  She introduced me to what is now one of my main hiking areas as well as a mountain restaurant where I also had my first official birthday cake.  I miss her and I am forever grateful to her for helping me take my baby steps into living like a normal person.

People have asked me over the years why Jehovah’s Witnesses don’t celebrate birthdays.  Well, why the hell not?  It’s not an easy question to answer so I’ll explain to the best of my ability.

For starters, there are not that many references to birthdays in the Christian bible.  There are 2-4 mentions of it at the most.  The main things are that in history, Birthday rituals originated from pagan traditions, as many Christian rituals have originated from.  In the past, Birthday rituals were done to PROTECT FROM demons.  Funny how Christianity conveniently forgets where their religious roots come from, huh?

I remember one of the main arguments that the Kingdom Hall Elders used was the example of Matthew 14:6-10, where Herod asks for the head of John The Baptist for his birthday.  I’m like “ok, so because some guy asked for another guy’s head as a birthday present, we should ban birthdays because we might somehow ask for someone else’s head as a birthday gift, too?”  The logic these people came up with.

Here's where I understood the most Satanic part of birthdays.  Some of the lectures at the Kingdom Hall basically stated that when you celebrate your birthday, you celebrate yourself.  For one day you are the most important person in your world.  You are in some sense higher than Jehovah.  The elders reminded us that God is a jealous God who demands unrelenting worship and that you shouldn't worship other gods, nor should you treat yourself as a God, or your own God, for that matter.

There's a reason where the section of The Satanic Bible that discusses birthdays is called "The Enlightenment."  After I read that chapter about birthdays, it made even more sense why Jehovah's Witnesses were against birthdays despite being one of the only Christian religions that were against them.

So...what is the official stance on Birthdays for Satanists?

It's the most important Satanic Holiday of all.  Page 96 of The Satanic Bible states that "the highest of all holidays in the Satanic religion is the date of one's own birthday...every man is a god if he chooses to recognize himself as one.  So the Satanist celebrates his own birthday as the most important holiday of the year."  We Satanists see ourselves as our own Gods.  We are glad that we were born and that we get another year, so we treat ourselves as the Gods that we see ourselves as and enjoy life.  We see ourselves as more important than some imaginary non-existent deity.

After I discovered I was an Atheist, I stopped worrying about feeling guilt for celebrating my birth.  After reading The Satanic Bible, I became even happier about not feeling guilt anymore.

Hail thyself!  Hail Satan!

-Manny

References

LaVey, A. S. (1969).  The Satanic Bible.  Avon Books.